DATING GAME PART 2: Khalid Washington Still Thinks Girls are a Sport

written by Khalid Washington

NOTE TO SELF: Call the Olympic Board and see if Dating could be made an official event...

Hello all, it’s time for my 2nd installment of the Pretentious Sports Dating Game. This week's scenario involves two women friends of mine that I have known and hung out with for a few months. I feel like Jack Tripper when I hang out with them. No, not because I’m goofy, stumbling over the couch, and wearing a 1970’s tight leisure suit. But, it's just that when you are a guy hanging out with two women friends like that, there is automatically a Three's Company vibe in the air. All I need is Don Knotts a.k.a. Mr. Furley to walk in to complete the fantasy… not that I fantasize about Don Knotts or anything.

Now, let’s discuss the girls. We will call the first one Bachelorette #1 for now.

SCOUTING REPORT FOR BACHELORETTE #1:
-Smart and educated (well she’s got a Bachelor’s degree anyway)
-Exceptionally attractive (I think she batted a career .412 smokin’ average)
-And she’s witty.

Biggest turn off about #1 is the boyfriend she has… BUT since he lives about 6 states away, not a problem for a pro Dating Gamer like myself. And when I am hanging out with them, #1 has never mentioned him, and I mean never. I heard about him when I first met her. He’s history as far as I’m concerned. Aside from that, #1 has a good sense of humor and that is better than not, that’s for sure. Someone once told me “the way to a woman’s heart is through laughter” and that goes for men to. (Of course, when I was first told that, I would laugh at all girls I met, point at them and laugh and no girls ever went for it. I then realized, the person who gave me the advice meant laughter from them, not laughter at them).

SCOUTING REPORT FOR BACHELORETTE #2:
-Also smart and educated (#1 and #2 graduated college together)
-More reserved than #1, whom is much more outgoing and talkative (some would call it flirtatious).
The one real difference, though, is (sorry I’m a man) #2’s probably not the most attractive girl in my opinion. #2 has a great personality and is also reasonably funny (if not as funny as #1), but let’s face it, #2 is more Mr. Furley than Chrissy as far as the looks go. But, hey, I don’t mean that as harsh to #2, because as you know I often fantasize about Mr. Furley as it is.

So, now that you know who they are, here's what happened:

I went out with both the girls the other night. Flashback in your minds, if you will friends, to the opening credits to Three's Company. There was Jack, Chrissie and Janet. They were walking along in the zoo, the three of them arm in arm talking and joking. It was something like that, I don’t even think Chrissy was still in the show on the zoo episodes, but this is my article, not their’s, so I make up the facts as I see fit (editor’s note: this last sentence edited for factual content)

Bachelorette #2 was being calm and reserved and Bachelorette #1 was being flirtacious and playfully sarcastic. From time to time, I would give #2 a look and she pouts slightly as if she feels she is being left out. I think #2 likes me, and she is cool, but I'm definitely more attracted to #1.

While I was driving them home, Bachelorette #1 (mind you, who sits in the front seat most of the time), asked me, "So how come you never mentioned a girlfriend?"

"I don't have one," I said.

She went on. "No love interest or people that you are seeing?"

“I have friends and that's it,” I said.

Then came the question that gets my attention… "Do you feel lonely, like you want to be with someone?" she asked. And I responded...

This is where you guys fill in the blank. Is she making a play for me? Or is she asking these questions for her shy and reserved friend? Is there a chance for a double play here? (This is a sports article… work with me people!!)

PLEASE KEEP ONE THING IN MIND WHEN POSTING YOUR COMMENTS: THIS IS NOT AN ADVICE COLUMN FOR MY BENEFIT. I DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO, BECAUSE I’VE ALREADY DONE IT. WHAT I AM DISCUSSING HERE IS FROM THE PAST AND HAS ALREADY BEEN TAKEN CARE OF. THIS IS STRICTLY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES

SO ASK YOURSELVES...WHAT WOULD I DO IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS? RESPONSES ARE VERY IMPORTANT SO PLEASE RESPOND. IF I DON'T GET ENOUGH COMMENTS THIS WEEK, PRETENTIOUS SPORTS IS PULLING THIS COLUMN. I THINK THEY'RE JUST MAD THAT THEY DONT' DATE AS MANY WOMEN AS ME. OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THE MAN BEHIND MY EDITOR IS ACTUALLY DON KNOTTS (hey, I’m not the one fantasizing about the guy -ed.) ANYWAY, ENJOY AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD DO...