JOBU NEEDS A REFILL: 5/23/2005 The Week in Sports from the Weak in Sports

what the Pretentious Sports world was talking about this week...

written by Buddy Lung

PAT TILLMAN'S PARENTS SAY GOV LIED ABOUT NFL STAR'S DEATH - They claim the U.S. invented a story of heroism for propaganda and public support of the war. What a shock! You mean the government is lying to us about something!?!

MLB INTERLEAGUE PLAY DRAWS RECORD CROWDS - There were some great regional rivalries that kept people interested, and fans going cross town to enemy terriroty: Mets/Yankees, Cubs/White Sox, Angels/Dodgers, Braves/Red Sox... wait a minute! Braves/Red Sox? As if there are still any NL fans in New England? At least in the Blue Jays/Nationals series, the ten Expos fans in Canada are still alive and able to attend...

CUBS DOCTORS TELL ZAMBRANO TO CUT BACK COMPUTER TIME - They said typing on his computer may be contributing to his elbow problems. They also recommended not to sit too close to the TV or his eyesight could be affected.

ANGELS' VLAD SIDELINED BY INJURY - Did I just say sidelined? There really isn't any sidelines in baseball. He is foul-lined... is that better? Or maybe I should say "dugouted?" I don't know.

AFLEET ALEX WINS THE PREAKNESS - The winning horse nearly dropped his jockey before rallying for the win. But now, Alex is really dropping the jockey... the horse has decided to go solo after his newfound fame.

NASH LEADS SUNS OVER MAVS - Nash is just fantastic isn't he? How clutch. What a leader, what a great, great player, what a...

NBA CONFERENCE FINALS: Spurs vs. Suns - The Suns dropped the first game of the series as everyone was so busy constantly saying how great Steve Nash is.

NBA CONFERENCE FINALS: Pistons vs. Heat - Will Shaq be able to play? Sure he will! He doesn't really need to do anything but stand there to be effective, does he?

RICKY WILLIAMS IS SET TO RETURN TO DOLPHINS - He'll have to serve his suspension for drug violation. Williams admits to using pot, but says he didn't know it was pot.

MAGIC GM WEISBROD RESIGNS - He wants to go into hockey, that is his true passion. Just one thing... maybe he was a little too busy with Orlando to realize that there is no hockey.