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THAT'S LYPHE: NBA Finals are a Deadlock

by Khalid Washington

Ok, I went 1 out of 2 in the Conference finals picks. I predicted the Phoenix Suns vs.. Detroit Pistons in the Finals. The San Antonio Spurs then destroyed the league MVP and his band of merry men. So now, in the Finals it’s the best of the best. Its East vs.. West in a battle that could potentially be compared to the Tupac/Biggie confrontation of the mid 90’s.

My Prediction? It’s too close to call. And yes, that’s my way of weaseling out of the answer. These are truly the two best teams in the NBA over the past two seasons and they both proved it by consistently making it to this level of play. When you compare these two teams, it’s almost like they are looking at each other in the mirror. Check out some of the facts:

-Ranked 1st and 2nd in points allowed per game this season
-Split there four games played 2 a piece t his season
-Spurs won the 2003-04 title
-Pistons won the 2004-05 title

The Spurs have a great point guard in Tony Parker. He’s fast and has great court vision and will be a problem when driving the lane since he can pass effectively to open teammates. Pistons point guard Chauncey Billups is big and strong, so he will be able to post up Tony Parker on the blocks. This will be one of the most important match ups of the series. If Billups can be effective against Parker then the Pistons have a chance.

But on top of scoring on Parker, they have to be able to stop the Spurs attack. An incredible attack led by “The Big Fundamental” Mr. Tim Duncan. Duncan is a machine, and even though he will face another great power forward in Rasheed Wallace, he’s going to do his numbers. I don’t care if you put Dwayne Wade on Shaq’s shoulders, nobody can stop Duncan. He, in my opinion, which means squat, is the most dominant player in the game over the past 5 seasons. Sure you have Shaq, and you always have to compensate for him. But cant’ the same be said of Duncan? Or for that matter Kevin Garnett? Yes, you have to double team and hack all three of them and hope they don’t beat you at the line. But Duncan can beat you from the floor and from the line. Well at least in the playoffs. His free throw percentage goes up at least ten points on the average during post-season play. And when you decide to double him he is a great passer that has an outstanding cast to hit three pointers; Parker, Robert Horry, Brent Barry, and the surging Manu Ginobili. Manu has prematurely been compared to Allen Iverson in some circles, but he has definitely stepped up his game this year.

The fact that Duncan has to be doubled and virtually nobody on Detroit is that much of a double team threat could also be a difference maker in this series as well. With that and the fact that San Antonio's bench might run a little bit deeper, I'm going to go with the Spurs winning the whole thing. We know I have been wrong before but we'll see.

Regardless of whatever way it goes, I will predict that we see SEVEN (yes seven) games from the two best teams in the NBA. And in the end, may the better team win. Well, at least the one I decide to put money on. Stay tuned!

JOBU NEEDS A REFILL: 6/7/2005 The Week in Sports from the Weak in Sports

what the Pretentious Sports world was talking about this week...

by Buddy Lung

HEAT LOSE TO PISTONS IN NBA CONF FINALS - Dwayne Wade came back from a Game 5 injury but it wasn't enough to beat the Pistons. Wade was injured when he tried to "put the team on his back. With Shaq pushing 400 lbs, no wonder he was hurt. Rum bum crash!

NBA FINALS: IT'LL BE SPURS AND PISTONS - Can the Pistons be a fluke two years in a row? Or is that breaking some semantic rule of flukeness?

YANKEES ARE BACK - Wait not they're not. I mean yes they are. I mean no, nevermind they're not.

TYSON VS. MCBRIDE THIS WEEK - Does anyone care what goes on with this guy inside the ring anymore? They'd be better off charging to view his personal life.

SENATE VOTES AGAINST NYC WEST SIDE STADIUM - The voice of the people has spoken and been heard... Which only means there will be a new development where that voice is crushed and the stadium built after all.

MLB DRAFT TAKES PLACE - A whole new crop of prospects for the Yankees to trade away and then sign the prospects other teams develop.

2005 INTERLEAGUE PLAY PART 2 - I don't support a bi-league lifestyle, it's against my religion. AL teams should play AL teams and NL only NL that is the way God and the church want it. I support the sanctity of intraleague play and think this is a disgrace to it.

NL EAST TIGHT FOR ALL TEAMS - Well, it's not until after the All Star break everyone else falters and the Braves run away with it, remember?

TWO WINNING TEAMS IN CHIACAGO MLB - Which means one of two things a) one of the teams will fall apart b) the Earth is doomed.

ATLANTA BRAVES CHIPPER JONES PLACED ON DL - It's precautionary really because they don't think he -ahem- chipped anything.

ASK PRETENTIOUS: Arod, Penis Enlargers, and The Lakers

by Matt Lungariello

In a weekly posting here on PretentiousSports.com, your questions are answered by one of your favorite PretentiousSports Guys.

For the month of June, Matt Lungariello senior writer here at Pretentious, will be answering the questions.

Take it away, Matty Boy!:

1. Ok, so A-rod has better stats against the Red Sox than Jeter. A-rod leads the majors in HR, runs, and RBI. A-rod saved a kid's life and single handedly wont he ALDS last year. He also hit 3 hr in one game with 10 rbis'. His RISP numbers are better than most of the team this year. So what does the guy have to do to become a "true yankee?" destroy fenway park?

Very simple. The only way that Arod's stay with the Yankees will be a success is if he wins a World Series. If he wins the Triple Crown and the Yankees dont make the playoffs, he will be the same person he is right now. The great player that never wins the big game.

It may be true that AROD has better numbers against the Red Sox than Jeter, but that is just this year. And it's just the regular season. His numbers in the regular season against the Sox last year were awful, and we all know what he did against the Sox in Games 4-7.

Jeter has a lifelong pass in New York becasue of 1996-2000. I think we need to compare Jeter and Arod, they are both about 30 years old, and will both go to the Hall of Fame. So put everything else behind us and win some games.

2. Should I use penis enlarger pills?

Really when talking about penis enlarger pills, it depends on the brand you are using. I have had some bad experiences with these pills, mostly with the side effects.

The best advice I can give you is to do some research and find out which is best for you. Also, you should find out if your penis is truly small, and if its necccesary to use these pills. I find that most are not sure if their penis is big or small simply because they dont have many opportunites to see other men's penis'. Only on pornos, which would make any man's penis appear to be small. Good luck with that.

3. Is there any way the Lakers are going to contend next year?

I say yes, if it is just a matter of contending for a playoff spot. I dont believe they will be in any position win a championship. They have a legitimate superstar in Kobe Bryant. A nice secondary player in Lamar Odam. They have a lottery pick and they have a chance to bring back Zen Master Phil Jackson. With this formula they will definitely make the playoffs.

Unfortunately, its will not bring the team a championship next year. There owner has a tight pocket and refuses to test the limits of the salary cap. Even during their championship runs, they spend all their money on Shaq and Kobe and surrounded them with inexpensive role players. They were never over the salary cap in any of the years they won a championship.

e-mail your questions to pretentiousports@gmail.com

JOBU NEEDS A REFILL: 6/2/2005 The Week in Sports from the Weak in Sports

what the Pretentious Sports World was talking about this week...

by Buddy Lung
PISTONS HEAT ALL TIED UP 2-2 - Wade had been carrying the Heat on his back the first few games. And believe me, with Shaq up there on your back it's no wonder they subsequently dropped game 4.

SPURS BEAT THE SUNS, ADVANCE TO NBA FINALS - I'm still not vacationing in San Antonio.

RED SOX CRUSH YANKS IN WEEKEND SERIES - If you knew what I know, you'd call this the result of "The Curse of Ramiro Mendoza."

NBA LOCKOUT POSSIBLE AFTER SIDES CAN'T REACH AGREEMENTS - The league turned down the players' association plan for more concessions. The league is prepared for a lockout in July, stating "The PA can't bully us, just like they couldn't bully the NHL."

MIKE BROWN TO BE CAVS NEXT COACH - Wrong Brown, guys!

KNICKS STILL DON'T HAVE A FULLTIME COACH - The best thing to happen to the Knicks since the end of the season was the league rejected the PA offer. Their best bet is for the season to be cancelled.

GIAMBI DROPPED FROM NIKE - It's the latest company that has dropped the struggling would-be slugger. Remember arm and hammer dropped him last year? Their slogan was "Arm and Hammer deoderant: All the muscle you need." They dropped him when they realized he disproved the entire campaign.

DANICA PATRICK FIRST WOMAN TO LEAD INDY RACE - Her car stalled in pit road which lost her 12 positions. She then finished fourth. And to think after a great accomplishment like this, it still gives a lot of ammo to the "redneck" shovanist contingent about woman not being able to drive cars with standard transmissions.

CHICAGO CUBS REACH 500 - I meant 500 winning percentage, not 500 years since the last World Series appearance.

CLEVELAND'S JUAN GONZALEZ TO DL, COCO CRIPS ACTIVATED ON ROSTER - Funny coincidence there Cleveland, I just "activated" Cocoa Crisp in my cereal bowl this morning.